The following was written last week when I found out that Elizabeth Warren, the person who conceived and built the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, was passed over as its first Director by the current Presidential Administration because her appointment would "scare the Banks"..... The irony of this statement moved me to compose sloppy Facebook Prose, and also to throw up in my mouth a little:
You're just in time and in exactly the right place for my New, Ultra Patriotic, Compassionate-Only-to-Myself, Your-Fast-Track to endless Prosperity, FaceBook Info-mercial!!!
Hey, I just got a great idea for jump-starting the economy! (At least my economy, anyway... and possibly yours if you're the type of "Cain versus Able", "I'll bet I can cram 47 camels through the eye of that needle!!", Real Old Time Religion Patriot that I hope you are.... for the sake of us all......well, ok..... really just for the sake of me. But, stick with me kid, and you'll be rollin' in the Cash, Lettuce, Kale, The Ol' Mazoo!!!! Listen carefully, sonny!
It seems we (and by "we" I mean Investment Banking institutions) don't want anyone in the Investment Banking arena to be "scared" by Governmental regulators in the Consumer Financial Protection Agency, which might cause them (us) to back off pushing those dandy "products" that nearly sunk us all 3 years ago..... you remember 'em. And if you don't, they're all still out there for ya' to get a chunk of, so............ dig in!!!
"Products" like Credit Default Swaps (which turns out to be" insurance policies" that you secretly can take out on your neighbor's financial house.... just before you burn it down), Mark to Market investment (Soliciting investment for your Ideas that you have not yet thought of), agressive "Sub-Prime" Lending ( or lending that can be chopped and bundled 'til no one realizes that what's being sold is a ball of garbage), rampant Credit Card Recruitment to vast groupings of those folks who are not on their financial feet yet and could really screw themselves up for life. This is especially effective if the interest rates are raised secretly and penalty fees are hidden like little mine fields all over the the place. This last one, rampant Credit Card Recruitment, works really well on 18 year old kids who don't realize what a fine ripe fruit for the picking their destroyed lives are. Mmmmmm the sweet smell of recovery!!! Or, financial Armegeddon? Which is which? Who knows? Who Cares?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! There's fast cash to be made here!!
So: here's the idea: It's a new "product" called "Clandestine Automotive Aquisition" which involves....wait, let me see how I can explain this plainly..... Hmmm......
OK, I got it...... It involves taking your car when you're not looking.....
Yeah, that's pretty much it, taking your car when you're not looking.
*** When you're not looking---------I take your car.***
And keep it. Or sell it. Or sell it back to you. Again. Great idea, ehh? Terrific "product", right? ..................................... "Clandestine Automotive Aquisition"!!!!
And it will at least stimulate my own personal economy, and yours if you'd like to join me in my Chop Shop....... I... I.... I didn't mean Chop Shop.... Uhh... I meant....... Investment Opportunity! Yes!
What do you mean, "theft"?! Who's talking theft? It's not theft... it's my new Personal Financial Enhancement "Product". I just came up with it! It's a brilliant new innovation in entrepreneurship!!! All those new dollars generated will stimulate the economy. Theft?!?! What? Are you a Communist? Don't you love this country?!?
Because, what's not being regulated right now ain't a damned bit less of a rationalization for criminality and a euphemism for theft than the examples that I gave you at the top of this ramble.
Whether you liked it or not, you were on board board for those last "products".... why ain't you on board for mine?!?!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Farmville notification.
You're just in time and in exactly the right place for my New, Ultra Patriotic, Compassionate-Only-to-Myself, Your-Fast-Track to endless Prosperity, FaceBook Info-mercial!!!
Hey, I just got a great idea for jump-starting the economy! (At least my economy, anyway... and possibly yours if you're the type of "Cain versus Able", "I'll bet I can cram 47 camels through the eye of that needle!!", Real Old Time Religion Patriot that I hope you are.... for the sake of us all......well, ok..... really just for the sake of me. But, stick with me kid, and you'll be rollin' in the Cash, Lettuce, Kale, The Ol' Mazoo!!!! Listen carefully, sonny!
It seems we (and by "we" I mean Investment Banking institutions) don't want anyone in the Investment Banking arena to be "scared" by Governmental regulators in the Consumer Financial Protection Agency, which might cause them (us) to back off pushing those dandy "products" that nearly sunk us all 3 years ago..... you remember 'em. And if you don't, they're all still out there for ya' to get a chunk of, so............ dig in!!!
"Products" like Credit Default Swaps (which turns out to be" insurance policies" that you secretly can take out on your neighbor's financial house.... just before you burn it down), Mark to Market investment (Soliciting investment for your Ideas that you have not yet thought of), agressive "Sub-Prime" Lending ( or lending that can be chopped and bundled 'til no one realizes that what's being sold is a ball of garbage), rampant Credit Card Recruitment to vast groupings of those folks who are not on their financial feet yet and could really screw themselves up for life. This is especially effective if the interest rates are raised secretly and penalty fees are hidden like little mine fields all over the the place. This last one, rampant Credit Card Recruitment, works really well on 18 year old kids who don't realize what a fine ripe fruit for the picking their destroyed lives are. Mmmmmm the sweet smell of recovery!!! Or, financial Armegeddon? Which is which? Who knows? Who Cares?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! There's fast cash to be made here!!
So: here's the idea: It's a new "product" called "Clandestine Automotive Aquisition" which involves....wait, let me see how I can explain this plainly..... Hmmm......
OK, I got it...... It involves taking your car when you're not looking.....
Yeah, that's pretty much it, taking your car when you're not looking.
*** When you're not looking---------I take your car.***
And keep it. Or sell it. Or sell it back to you. Again. Great idea, ehh? Terrific "product", right? ..................................... "Clandestine Automotive Aquisition"!!!!
And it will at least stimulate my own personal economy, and yours if you'd like to join me in my Chop Shop....... I... I.... I didn't mean Chop Shop.... Uhh... I meant....... Investment Opportunity! Yes!
What do you mean, "theft"?! Who's talking theft? It's not theft... it's my new Personal Financial Enhancement "Product". I just came up with it! It's a brilliant new innovation in entrepreneurship!!! All those new dollars generated will stimulate the economy. Theft?!?! What? Are you a Communist? Don't you love this country?!?
Because, what's not being regulated right now ain't a damned bit less of a rationalization for criminality and a euphemism for theft than the examples that I gave you at the top of this ramble.
Whether you liked it or not, you were on board board for those last "products".... why ain't you on board for mine?!?!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Farmville notification.
